well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
