I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just gargled with NyQuil
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
