her vagine was all disorganized.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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