Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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