Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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