im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
