remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have feelings that need drinking.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
