so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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