Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
