My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I need moral support for this bender
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
