He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
