I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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