My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
