You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
