When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
