i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
