literally had 100 drinks last night.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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