I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
