I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
