i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
