i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
