Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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