Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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