based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
