im six kinds of drunk right now
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she told me i tasted like america
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
