Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
