we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
