Sponge bath it is.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
