this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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