fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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