Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
