why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
