Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
