HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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