Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
