for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
