I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
