he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
