I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
