Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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