It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i wish my penis had a tongue
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
