We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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