we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
