Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I will be naked everywhere
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
