She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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