im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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