I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
