so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
