they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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