What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
