look no pants
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
