But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
