My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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