What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
