you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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